Pete Rose RIP

Moments after the New York Mets finished the most exciting (and, depending on how things play out, the most consequential) regular season game of their 62-year history, news arrived that Pete Rose died.

(It also happened to be my birthday, but that is neither here nor there.)

As a sports fan, I have been married to the New York Mets for as long as I can remember. 

No choice really.  I was born in Flushing.  My Dad was a Brooklyn Dodgers fan, so it was a National League house.  My Italian grandmother loved the Mets.  Ed Kranepool lived around the corner, and the restaurant he operated with Ron Swoboda was half a mile away. 

But in the late 70s and early 80s, while I remained in a loveless and passionless marriage with the New York Mets, I had a torrid love affair with the Cincinnati Reds.

I wish I could blame it on M. Donald Grant.  On June 15, 1977, Grant traded Tom Seaver from the Mets to the Reds.  I could say, hey, the Mets betrayed me, my hero went to the Reds, and I followed him there.

I wish I could blame it on the 1976 World Series.  The Reds swept the Yankees, and by the transitive property of ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend’, I became a Reds fan.

But alas, the timeline doesn’t work.  My cheating had begun as far back as ’75.

And at the heart of my love affair with the Cincinnati Reds and the Big Red Machine was my man crush on Peter Edward Rose.

The Big Red Machine

As a kid I loved baseball.  I’d put baseball cards in the spokes of my bicycle.  I thought the height of fashion was a long sleeve shirt under a short sleeve shirt with a batting glove in the back pocket. I would buy Big League Chew, even though it was horrible gum, because it approximated chewing tobacco. 

And I would read baseball statistics.  No, not read…I would study baseball statistics.  

If someone said Ty Cobb had the highest single season batting average, I would correct them.  “Nope, Nap Lajoie hit .426 in 1901.” 

I knew Joe Gordon won the MVP* the year Ted Williams won the Triple Crown.

I could reel off the top 10 hitters on the all-time hit list.

And I would absolutely devour the backs of baseball cards.  I studied them like Hebrew scholars study the Talmud. 

And in the mid-70s, when I was really into baseball statistics, the Big Red Machine had the most awesome statistics, the most fun-to-read backs of baseball cards.

How stacked was this lineup?

• Joe Morgan won consecutive MVPs
•  Johnny Bench was the best-hitting catcher of all time
•  George Foster’s 1977 season was the best by a hitter over 3 decades
•  Tony Perez, arguably the 5th best hitter on the team, is in the Hall of Fame

Heck, even the lesser players…

• Cesar Geronimo won 4 Gold Gloves from 74-77 and oh by the way hit .307 in 76
•  Dave Conception played in 9 All Star games
• Ken Griffey Sr. hit .300 over the 5 years he was on the Big Red Machine, and presaged his son’s career with fabulous outfield play

But the most exciting player on the team, at least for me - and, based on the recent documentary, Charlie Hustle and the Matter of Pete Rose, the entire city of Cincinnati+ - was Pete Rose.

He had the stats, of course.  Batting titles and consecutive 200 hit seasons and hitting streaks and so so many doubles.

But it was more than that.  He was such a baseball player.  The headfirst slides.  Sprinting to first base.  All-star at 5 different positions.  Switch-hitter.  It was hard to imagine anyone loving baseball - loving playing baseball - as much as Pete Rose.

By the mid-80s, a lot had changed.  The Big Red Machine had long since idled.  The Mets had awoken from hibernation and were exciting again.  The New York Football Giants had my attention, almost as much as any baseball team.

And yet, I must have still been into Pete Rose.  Because my sister – on September 30, 1985 – 39 years to the day before Pete’s death – gave me a scrapbook for my birthday.  It is filled with newspaper and magazine clippings of Pete’s 1985 season – the year he caught and passed Ty Cobb on the all-time hit list. 

The Tragedy of Pete Rose

I won’t dwell on all that came after.  And I won't weigh in on the Hall of Fame candidacy - I have mixed feelings about that.  

But I do want to say the remainder of Pete’s life was a Shakespearean tragedy. 

(There are wonderful Shakespeare quotes about roses – not just the famous “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”, but also ‘the rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem for that sweet odour which doth in it live.”  But really the most accurate quote for this section comes from the hair metal band Poison: “Every Rose has its thorn”).

Here’s the thing about the great Shakespearean tragedies: the protagonist’s downfall comes about because of a fatal character flaw.  Indeed, that flaw is sometimes too much of a virtue.  Macbeth’s ambition.  Lear’s vanity.  Othello’s jealousy.  Hamlet’s intellect.

Pete Rose might well be the most competitive sonofabitch in modern American sports.  And competitive people love the action.  (Michael Jordan, another possible contender for the competitor throne, was known to place a bet or two.)

And when gambling threatened to destroy his life he did what all problem gamblers do – he doubled down.  He lied for decades about gambling on baseball.  Watching the recent documentary I got to thinking that Pete had embodied the George Costanza theory of lying: It’s not a lie if you believe it.

Pete's competitiveness, the fire that made  him one of the most exciting athletes of my lifetime, is a big part of what brought him down.  

All these years later I’m not quite sure how I feel about Pete Rose.  But I can’t help but think that the Twitter wit behind Super70s Sports said it best:

"Super Sky Point to Peter Edward Rose. He was crass. He was selfish. He was full of shit. He was his own worst enemy. But nobody played harder, nobody loved baseball more, nobody won more games, and nobody got more hits. He’ll always be a Hall of Famer to this kid. #RIP"

 

* Gordon led the AL in strikeouts and GIDP, and led all 2nd basemen in errors!  That, my friends, was an injustice

+ Local banks in Cincinnati wouldn't let people use 4192 as their ATM pin because it was too easy to guess

 

The Third Miracle

Dickey Betts, RIP

[I wrote this with the album Brothers and Sisters on.  It would make my day if you read it the same way.]

The term ‘Southern Rock’ was always a bit of misnomer.  The signature bands of the genre not only had differing influences – everything from the obvious country and blues to the less obvious British invasion and jazz – they often had very different instrumental lineups.

Lynyrd Skynyrd, for example, was the only major Southern Rock band with a pianist in the main lineup of the band.

The Marshall Tucker Band had Jerry Eubanks, whose saxophone and flute were regularly featured.

Genre pioneer Charlie Daniels was, quite famously, a fiddle player.  

And The Allman Brothers Band had Gregg Allman playing organ.  

But the true signature sound of Southern Rock was the dual – and sometimes triple – guitar attack.  

Dickey Betts, alongside the virtuoso Duane Allman, completely reinvented the idea of two lead guitars.  The traditional lead/rhythm was replaced by two leads going back and forth with each other.  

You can hear this sound on Layla, with Duane and Eric Clapton, and on most of the Skynyrd catalogue featuring Gary Rossington and Allen Collins.  

But in its purest form, listen to Dickey Betts and Duane Allman on ‘Blue Sky’, a Betts composition.  In particular, listen to them in this extraordinary recording at Stony Brook University*:

* for reasons I’ve never understood, Southern Rock was always hugely popular in the New York suburbs, and Long Island in particular

And then, Duane Allman died.

Surely, a band that loses its leader, the gifted musician whose session work got The Allman Brothers Band a record contract in the first place, would mean the end of that band?

But the Allman Brothers had another Allman, Gregg, who was a great songwriter and an extraordinary vocalist.

And they had a third miracle: Dickey Betts.  On the first album after Duane’s death, ‘Brothers and Sisters’, all he did was write two classics:  Rambling Man and Jessica.  

Rambling Man was by far ABB’s biggest hit.  And Jessica has remained a classic rock staple.

Dickey Betts is in the conversation of most underrated classic rock star.  Maybe it’s because he was in a band called The Allman Brothers and his name wasn’t Allman.  Maybe it’s because the lost promise of Duane Allman and the celebrity journey of Gregg Allman overshadowed him.  

But Forrest Richard Betts was a true classic rock Renaissance man.  He was a songwriter, guitarist, and vocalist.  He wrote songs that can be deemed country, blues, rock, and jazz.  He was trying to make a living, and doing the best he can.  And his best was pretty damned good.

Rest in Peace, Dickey Betts.  

--

Quick personal story: when I was a pre-teen falling in love with music, me and my friends went to a pizza joint in Massapequa Park called Bi-County Pizza.  This place had the worst jukebox.  Disco crap like ‘Ring My Bell’ and Donna Summer.  There were exactly two rock songs on this jukebox: Third Time Lucky by Foghat.  And Blue Sky by the Allman Brothers Band.  As you might imagine, we played Blue Sky A LOT. 

The Johnny Bingo Awards - 2023

Best Books Read by Me This Year

It’s the moment that readers around the world didn’t know they were waiting for – The Johnny Bingo Awards!  As a reminder here are the criteria for The JBs – actually, criterion – which I have slightly updated due to the fact that the Dick Clark reference was getting a bit dated:

This award too has only one criterion – for a book to be eligible, I had to have finished reading it this year. It could’ve been written by a blind Greek poet in the 8th century BCE or be an unpublished galley hacked from an MFA candidate’s MacBook in a Brooklyn cafe.  As long as I read the last paragraph before the clock hits midnight on December 31, New York time, it is eligible for a JB.

In my quest to be as inconsistent as possible, this is (I think?) my first-ever Top 10 list.  Also, for the first time this year, I'll list all eligible books at the bottom.

But first, I need to take my annual swipe at the Nobel Prize in Literature.  This year’s winner was Jon Fosse.  Heard of him?  Me neither! 

Apparently he is a Norwegian playwright/novelist who is largely unknown around the world.  His Wikipedia entry, in a quest for accolades, can only come up with kudos like “the second most performed Norwegian playwright” and “ranked number 83 on the list of the Top 100 living geniuses by The Daily Telegraph”.  Well, if this doesn’t melt your snow, I don’t know what will.

Cormac McCarthy, on the other hand, will never give an acceptance speech in Stockholm.  He died this summer.  

On to the winners!

Best Unexpected Read

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, V.E. Schwab

Sometimes I take a chance on a book based on the title alone.  And I liked the name ‘Addie LaRue’.  Glad I did!  This is a delightful tale of a young Frenchwoman in 1714 who gains immortality, but at the cost of not being remembered by anyone who lays eyes on her.  We follow her through the centuries to the denouement in present-day New York  A fun read.

Best Series

The Hornblower Saga, C.S. Forester

Like many lovers of historical fiction, Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey/Maturin series is one of the greatest pleasures of my reading life.  (And, a 2007 Johnny Bingo Award winner, the inaugural year of this prestigious prize)

The Hornblower Saga – 8 novels spanning the career of Horatio Hornblower from midshipman to Admiral – was an inspiration for Aubrey/Maturin.  Less literary and more of an adventure tale, it covers nearly the entire span of the Napoleonic Wars.  I highly recommend reading it in the order of Hornblower’s career, rather than the order in which it was published.

Best History Book by a Politician

The Naval War of 1812,Theodore Roosevelt

When Theodore Roosevelt was only 24 years old, he published the definitive history of the Naval War of 1812.  It was not just a thorough account of the war, but an argument for the importance of sea power.  The book was so well-received that a copy of it was placed on every ship in the United States Navy. 

Fourteen years later he was named Assistant Secretary of the Navy, where he successfully lobbied for a build-up of naval strength.  Five years after that he became President, and as President he sent the Great White Fleet on a tour of the globe – a friendly tour but one that said to the rest of the world, “Don’t mess with the US Navy.”  

For three decades, nobody did.  Then Japan attacked Pearl Harbor.  It didn't work out well for them.

Anyway, a first edition of this book will hopefully be the next valuable addition to my library.

Best History Book by a Journalist

American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House, Jon Meacham

The non-Presidential part of Andrew Jackson’s life is so fascinating, I thought a book focused just on his Presidency would be boring.  I was wrong.

I bought this book while visiting the Hermitage, Jackson’s home outside Nashville.  Like most great history books, it gives an insight into the world we live in today, and in particular how presidential power evolves, and is very different depending on who sits in the Oval Office.

And for this long time student of the Civil War, I was surprised to learn how that war nearly started 30 years earlier, and may well have if not for Andrew Jackson’s powerful belief in the Union.

Best History Book by an Actual Historian 

Power and Thrones: A New History of the Middle Ages, Dan Jones

Jones is an actual historian - a first-class history degree from Cambridge and 10 history books to his credit, mostly about medieval England.  But he's also a novelist, a TV presenter, a sportswriter...

Dan Jones is, above all, a story teller.  

This account of the middle ages is the kind of book that might make the serious reader cringe a bit.  The title, for example, is clearly trying to get the attention of Game of Thrones fans browsing the bookstore.  

But his passion for the stories he is telling, and his skill at organizing large complex histories into a compelling narrative, is truly a gift.  I'll be reading more of him.  

Best Classic Novel

Things Fall Apart (African Trilogy, Book 1), Chinua Achebe

Kudos to Amazon, who consistently recommended this book to me in Kindle ads, so I finally took a shot.  What an elegant novel about pre-colonial life in Africa, and how the arrival of European missionaries in the late 19th century shattered that.

Best Spy Novel(s)

Slough House series, Mick Herron

George Smiley, the chief protagonist of John LeCarre's novels*, has long been considered the ultimate anti-Bond.  Where James Bond is a natty womanizer who defends England with his gun, Smiley is a homely cuckold who defends England with his brain.

Jackson Lamb, the weathered MI5 agent who leads the gang of misfit toys known as the Slow Horses, makes Smiley look like Bond.  This is a wonderful series - legitimately good spy novels with earned comedy and excellent character studies.

I highly recommend the Apple TV series, with Gary Oldman having the time of his life as Lamb.

* A 2020 Johnny Bingo winner

The Best Book Most Likely to Make My Wife Kick Me Under the Table

 Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, David Epstein

I first gave this award out in 2020.  Here's how I described it:

There's a certain kind of book - nonfiction, well-written, a colon in the title and a Big Idea at its heart - that will make me talk about it for months afterward.  Eventually, I'm out to dinner with friends and rambling on for entirely too long about how ancient Romans used memory palaces to commit multi-hour speeches to memory and - thwack! - my wife will deliver a well-placed blow to my shin.

David Epstein was nominated for this award back then for The Sports Gene: Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance.  But alas, he lost to Joshua Foer's Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything (that's the book with the memory palaces).

Anyway, I'm sure he's thrilled to win this year's award!

Best Sports Book

A Season on the Brink: A Year with Bob Knight and the Indiana Hoosiers, John Feinstein

Bobby Knight's passing this year put this book on my radar, and lo and behold, the 25th anniversary edition was sitting on my son's shelf.  So I swiped it.

In the preface to this edition, Feinstein addresses all of the theories as to why this book has resonated with people for so long (it was published in the mid-80s).  The timing, the access he had, the way it was written.  But Feinstein is right when he says what made this book so special is the unique character that is Robert Montgomery Knight.  

This clip rather perfectly captures that perfect.  RIP Bob Knight.

Best Book of the Year

People of the Book, Geraldine Brooks  

Occasionally you come across an author, and after finishing the last page, you say to yourself, "Self, I'm going to read everything she ever wrote."  Geraldine Brooks is one of those authors.

People of the Book is not one of her most lauded books, but a particularly timely one.  This book is part scientific/literary detective story, part historical fiction, and part romance.  But it's also a reminder of all the times in the past half millenium that the Jewish people faced existential threats - the expulsion of Jews from Spain, the Inquisition, Vienna in the 1890s, the Nazis, and more.  

But it's also a tale of ecumenical hope.   And we can all use a bit of that these days.

ELIGIBLE BOOKS FOR THIS YEARS JOHNNY BINGO AWARDS

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, V.E. Schwab

The Happy Return (Beat to Quarters): The Hornblower Saga #6, C.S. Forester

A Ship of the Line: The Hornblower Saga #7 C.S. Forester

Troy: Our Greatest Story Retold Stephen Fry

Flying Colors: The Hornblower Saga #8 C.S. Forester

The Glorious Cause: The American Revolution: 1763-1789 Robert Middlekauff

Hornblower and the Atropos: The Hornblower Saga # 5) C.S. Forester

A Test of Wills: Ian Rutledge Mystery #1 Charles Todd

The Captain from Connecticut C.S. Forester

The Gods of Gotham: Timothy Wilde #1 Lyndsay Faye

The Naval War of 1812 Theodore Roosevelt

Readings in the Classical Historians Michael Grant

Things Fall Apart (African Trilogy, Book 1) Chinua Achebe

Rules of Prey, Lucas Davenport #1 John Sandford

War of the Roses #1: Stormbird Conn Iggulden

Dead Lions, Slough House #2 Mick Herron

War of the Roses #2: Margaret of Anjou Conn Iggulden

Mr. Churchill's Secretary: A Maggie Hope Mystery (#1) Susan Elia Macneil

The Girl in the Plain Brown Wrapper, Travis McGee #10 John D. MacDonald

Mistborn: The Final Empire #1 Brandon Sanderson

D-Day: The Battle for Normandy Anthony Beevor

Joyland Stephen King

God Save the Mark Donald E. Westlake

Real Tigers: Slough House #3 Mick Herron

Innocent Scott Turow

The Hot Rock: Dormunder #1 Donald Westlake

Power and Thrones: A New History of the Middle Ages Dan Jones

Look Before You Leap (includes: And Then He Went Away) Donald E. Westlake

The Four Foundations of Golf: How To Build a Game That Lasts a Lifetime Jon Sherman

Act of Oblivion Robert Harris

Cloud Cuckoo Land Anthony Doerr

Henry V William Shakespeare

The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny, and Murder David Grann

War of the Roses #3: Bloodline Conn Iggulden

One Fearful Yellow Eye: Travis McGee #11 John D. MacDonald

American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House Jon Meacham

Pale Gray for Guilt: Travis McGee #12 John D. MacDonald

Portrait of an Unknown Woman: Gabriel Allon #22 Daniel Silva

Desert Rose: Harry Bosch/Renee Ballard mystery Michael Connelly

Essex Dogs: #1 Dan Jones

War of the Roses #4: Ravenspur Conn Iggulden

The Commodore: The Hornblower Saga #9 C.S. Forester

Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World David Epstein

Down the River Unto the Sea: King Oliver #1 Walter Moseley

Lord Hornblower: The Hornblower Saga #10 C.S. Forester

Hornblower in the West Indies: The Hornblower Saga #11 C.S. Forester

A Season on the Brink: A Year with Bob Knight and the Indiana Hoosiers John Feinstein

Spook Street: Slough House #4 Mick Herron

People of the Book Geraldine Brooks

Girl with a Pearl Earring Tracy Chevalier

A Musical Epiphany

On the Surprising Influences of The Lynyrd Skynyrd Band

Here’s one of those sentences that makes me feel old:  I’ve been listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd for 41 years. 

And for 40 of those years, if you asked me to name Skynyrd’s musical influences I would have said:

-         = Outlaw country, particularly Merle Haggard

-          = Old school Blues

I had good reason for thinking this.  Skynyrd covered Haggard’s Honky Tonk Night Time Man on their last album.  Lyrically, they had much more in common with the Bakersfield sound than, say, rock and roll contemporaries like Bruce Springsteen or The Rolling Stones. Heck, Merle Haggard sang at Ronnie Van Zant’s funeral!

As for the Blues…they name-checked Son House in Swamp Music.  The fictional Curtis Loew is a character out of a Delta blues song.  And of course, they cover Robert Johnson’s Crossroads on ‘One More From the Road’.

But I had a musical revelation recently.  And since today is the anniversary of the plane crash that took the lives of Ronnie Van Zant, Steve Gaines, Cassie Gaines, and Dean Kilpatrick, I thought I’d share it with you.

 

One of the quirks of the Era of Music Streaming is that the classic albums offered on Spotify, Apple Music, etc., are often ‘Deluxe’ and ‘Extended’ and ‘Super Deluxe Extended’.  They have outtakes and alternate takes and duplicate takes, which can be awesome but is also sometimes really annoying.  Like, maybe I just want to hear Tom Petty’s ‘Wildflowers’ as it was originally released, and not 9 other songs I don’t associate with that album?

About a year ago I was listening to the Skynyrd live album ‘One More From the Road (Deluxe Edition)’, specifically the alternate take of Crossroads.  I had always thought they were doing the old Robert Johnson blues song, which is actually called Cross Road Blues.  In fact, they ARE doing the old Robert Johnson blues song Cross Road Blues, albeit a rock and roll version. 

But in my deluxe edition Ronnie told a little story I’d never heard before:

"I remember one time when Allen and Gary and myself had to collect some Coke bottles* to go down to Miami to see a group we wanted to see.  And we did, and I thought they were the best group we ever saw.  I still do.  This is a song by them.  We’re going to try and do it for you."

 

In their minds, they weren’t playing Cross Road Blues, a 1936 blues song by Robert Johnson.  They were playing a 1968 Cream song!  When they were in high school, they weren’t country boys listening to old blues and country, they were hippies listening to rock and roll.  They weren’t idolizing Merle Haggard and Robert Johnson – their God was Eric Clapton.

* echoes of ‘The Ballad of Curtis Loew’

 

From here, I dug into another story I sort of know, which I’ll share with you here along with some of my own theorizing. 

Not too long after Ronnie and Allen and Gary saw the best group they ever saw, they formed their own group, named after their high school gym teacher, Leonard Skinner.  And that band started kicking ass, and then that band got a record contract.  And they went to the fabled Muscle Shoals studio and made a record.  And they gave the record to the record company, which led to the following conversation, which I completely made up but also might be true:

Record Company Executive:  ‘What the hell is this?’

Skynyrd:  ‘It’s our record.  Do you like it?’

RCE:  ‘Um, no, we don’t.  It sounds like every other record.  It sounds like a bad Cream record.  We like you guys because you have something different.  You’re rock, but you’re also…I dunno…Southern.  Like, um, Rock Southern.  Or something.  Now go back to the studio and give us a completely different album.’

 

And they did.  They went back into the studio and came out with a completely different album, ‘Pronounced Leh-nerd Skin-nerd’.  

Oh, you want a different album Mr. Record Company Executive?  How about one with Freebird, Gimme Three Steps, Tuesday's Gone and Simple Man!  You like this record?

Sadly, 5 years, 5 studio albums, and one incredible live album later, on this day in 1977, a plane crashed.  And we’d never get another Lynyrd Skynyrd album again.

Or would we?  Somebody remembered that old Muscle Shoals album and released it in 1978 as ‘Skynyrd’s First…and Last’.  And you know what – it’s a really good record!  It’s very different than Pronounced, and I think in some ways sounds more like the pop sound of ‘Street Survivors’, which preceded it in release.  On the other hand, there are songs on there that make me feel that record company executive's pain.  What the hell is this?

I guess none of this should have surprised me.  After all, Sweet Home Alabama’s was co-written by a southern California guy who was in a psychedelic band called Strawberry Alarm Clock.  The anxiety of influence, indeed. 

Note:  I doubt very many people got this far, but if you did and want to hear more about my teenage obsession with Skynyrd, check out my sort-of obituary for Billy Powell.

The Kings (and Queen) of Rock

Forget Album Sales.  The Way to Track Artists Today is Spotify Stats 

About a year ago I was talking to my friend Windex about a recent musical obsession, an early 90s alt-country band called Uncle Tupelo.  I was in the middle of explaining how influential they were when his daughter looked them up on Spotify, and found they had fewer than 300,000 monthly listeners.  

In other words, borderline irrelevant.

The idea of ranking musicians by Spotify stats had never occurred to me before.  And since I’m a perfectly normal person who does perfectly normal things in his spare time, I decided to do a bit of a deep dive on classic rock artists and glean from the data what I could.

Let me be clear: I am well aware that Monthly Listeners, like all statistics, is deeply flawed.  It doesn’t factor how many songs are listened to, or how many hours.  It doesn't capture how many people are listening on other streaming platforms, or on other mediums.  It is quite simply the number of unique individuals who listened to that artist that month on that streaming platform.

But it is not, like Uncle Tupelo, irrelevant.  Streaming gives us meaningful metrics about what people are choosing to listen to.  Before streaming, record sales was the best metric we had.  But just because you bought that O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack, it didn't mean you were throwing it on the turntable every day. To compare artists who were at their peak 20 or 30 or even 60 years ago, to see how many people are listening to them today, means something.  

Not artistic value, I’ll grant you.  But here’s the thing about artistic longevity: the really good stuff holds up.  Shakespeare may have been fighting Christopher Marlowe for the attention of London playgoers in the 1590s, but half a millennium later it’s no fight at all.  Moby Dick, Mozart, Michelangelo – artistic greatness persists.

And rock and roll as an art form is now old enough that maybe, just maybe, seeing who people (or at least, Spotify subscribers) are actually listening to is at least interesting, and possibly meaningful.  

Or maybe it’s just a fun way for me to spend an evening!

A Word About Methodology

This is a snapshot in time: particularly, the day of February 1, 2023.  Every statistic presented here is the Monthly Listeners (MLs, from now on) of a particular artist on that day.

My criteria was rock artists whose first album was released before I graduated college in 1988.  An arbitrary date, for sure, but it just worked out that way.  I started with the biggies – Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, etc.  I looked at solo artists like Billy Joel and Bruce.  I kept digging until I ended up with 30 artists.  These are not necessarily the top 30, but close enough.  You won’t see Rush or Grateful Dead or CSNY or other popular acts, because they tended to have numbers that were neither interesting or surprising (generally in the low single digit millions).  But you will see, for example, various members of the Beatles as solo artists, because their individual numbers tell us something about the enduring popularity of the biggest and most important rock and roll band.  

To give you a little context, here are the monthly listeners of the Top 3 artists on Spotify right now:

1. The Weeknd 97m

2. Taylor Swift 79m

3. Ed Sheeran 77m

The top Classic Rock artist is in 40th place today, with 48 million MLs.  The Beatles, with 27 million monthly listeners, are sandwiched in 120th place between Em Beihold and DJ Snake*.

*  Before you think this is a Sign of the Apocalypse, remember two things:  1) Millions of older folk are still listening to CDs and their iTunes library, so Spotify Monthly Listeners is far more likely to undercount older acts than they are to undercount, say, Mr. Snake.  Also, I’m pretty sure those two artists won’t be doing as well as the Beatles 52 years after their last recording.

My list of 30 artists is at the bottom.  But first - some observations.

Captain Fantastic

You will probably be surprised to hear the list is topped by… Sir Elton John, with 48 million Monthly Listeners!  

But I think that is a fluke.  His top-streamed song, by far, is "Cold Heart (Pnau remix)", a 2021 hit.  Pnau, as I’m sure you all know, is a trio of Australian producers who took a trio of Elton John songs from the 70s, added some vocals from the English-Albanian singer Dua Lipa, and produced a monster hit.  

It's quite good.  But the timing of this hit has Sir Elton much higher on the list, methinks, than he normally might be.  If I was doing this little experiment in 2015, when Paul McCartney was topping the charts with "FourFiveSeconds", his collaboration with Rihanna and Kanye, the numbers would have been similarly skewed.  So you’ll forgive me, I hope, if I declare the true Classic Rock Spotify Monthly Listeners crown goes where crowns often sit, on the head of the...

Queen!

With 42m MLs, Queen has nearly as many listeners as The Beatles and The Rolling Stones combined.  Nearly 7 times more than The Who.  Two and a half times more than U2.  What the what?

Yes, the movie Bohemian Rhapsody won Oscars and put them back on the map, but that was in 2018.  A lot has changed in the world since then!  You might be equally surprised to hear that their most listened to song, by far, isn’t "We Are The Champions" or “We Will Rock You" or even "Another One Bites the Dust".  It is "Don’t Stop Me Now’, which has more than twice as many listeners as any song produced by any of the artists in the paragraph above.  Color me shocked.

Oh, and if you're wondering how the King did...Elvis Presley has 17 million Monthly Listeners.  Not bad when you consider most of his surviving fans have no idea what Spotify is.

The World Makes Sense Again

Once you get past the first two anomalies on the list, the world regains its normalcy with The Beatles, who as usual beat all of their British Invasion rivals, with 27m listeners.  It’s also worth noting that Paul McCartney (10.7m), John Lennon (10.6m), and George Harrison (7.3m) all have respectable numbers.  Indeed double those of  Rush and the Grateful Dead.  Heck, even Ringo has a million MLs.

Fleetwood Mac vs. The Eagles

The two California-based 70s bands with colorful backstories and monster albums both did well – but it’s Fleetwood Mac with the easy win.  They are 4th on my list, with 25m MLs.  The Eagles are back in 15th place, with a very respectable 18m.

Heavy Metal Still Rules

How about this:  the next 3 artists on the list, all with roughly 24m MLs, are AC/DC, Guns ‘N Roses, and Metallica.  All of them rather easily beat Led Zeppelin (17m), their spiritual forerunner, and a band that was much bigger in their prime than any of these 3 (with the possible exception of AC/DC).  Most surprising to me is GNR, given how small their discography is.

The King of New Jersey

The growing popularity and respectability of Bon Jovi is one of the mysteries of our times.  This was a cheesy hair band, a less menacing version of Motley Crue.  And now he’s* beloved and respected and in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?  Warren Zevon can’t get in but this dude with the stone-washed denim jeans and frosted tips feathered hair writing cringey high school poetry lyrics can? 

Well, it’s worse than you thought: his Spotify MLs (24m) are significantly higher than Bruce Springsteen (14m).  Now look, if I'm in a bar and "Living on a Prayer" comes on I'm going to sing along about Tommy and Gina as loudly as the next guy.  But seriously, how did we allow this to happen?

On a related note, Bruce also lost the Battle of the Tri-State Troubadors: Billy Joel’s 13th place finish edged out The Boss, too.

* Yes, I am aware that I'm slipping back and forth between 'they' and 'he' as if I'm not sure if Bon Jovi is a person or a band.  That's because I'm not sure and I don't care enough to find out.  

Random Notes

• Tom Petty (solo) beat Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Petty had 18 Top 100 Billboard hits with the Heartbreakers, and only 7 without them.  He released 13 studio albums with the Heartbreakers and 3 without them.  I consider this an upset.  (bonus fact: Petty’s biggest hit was actually released on a Stevie Nicks album ("Stop Dragging My Heart Around".  Put differently, Stevie Nick’s' biggest hit was written by Tom Petty.)

• Creedence Clearwater Revival existed for 4 years.  But they have more MLs than Bob Dylan, The Allman Brothers, and The Who…combined!

• Another shocker: Aerosmith just missed out on the Top 10, but still easily beat the likes of U2 and Pink Floyd.

• Perhaps the saddest thing on the list is The Who.  I always considered them one of the Big Four (along with Beatles, Stones, and Zep).  Alas, today, they can barely beat out George Harrison’s solo work.

• And finally: in the skirmish between Southern Rock bands, my beloved Lynyrd Skynyrd absolutely trounced the far more respected Allman Brothers.  I guess if you stick around for 30 years making one shitty record after another, it keeps those listeners rolling.  Maybe Neil Young (who has 2m fewer listeners than Neil Diamond) was wrong: it’s better to fade away than to burn out.

Here's the list:

1 Elton John                                        47,734,430 

2 Queen                                         42,222,980 

3 The Beatles                                 27,523,606 

4 Fleetwood Mac                         24,893,393 

5 AC/DC                                         24,418,378 

6 Guns N' Roses                         24,386,262 

7 Metallica                                         24,384,583 

8 Bon Jovi                                         22,734,657 

9 The Rolling Stones                         22,156,356 

10 CCR                                         21,557,748 

11 Aerosmith                                 21,404,458 

12 The Police                                 20,126,177 

13 Billy Joel                                         19,299,273 

14 U2                                                 18,568,809 

15 The Eagles                                 18,281,069 

16 Elvis Presley                                 17,386,843 

17 Pink Floyd                                 17,354,383 

18 Led Zeppelin                                 17,289,419 

19 Bruce Springsteen                          14,327,632 

20 Lynyrd Skynyrd                         13,011,316 

21 The Clash                                 10,760,711 

22 Paul McCartney                         10,754,194 

23 John Lennon                                 10,650,950 

24 The Beach Boys                         10,142,970 

25 Bob Dylan                                 9,267,357 

26 Tom Petty                                 8,187,505 

27 The Who                                         7,415,837 

28 George Harrison                         7,359,429 

29 Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 6,262,043 

30 The Allman Brothers                 3,999,466 

The Johnny Bingo Award - 2022

It is late December, and therefore time for the least-anticipated literary prize of the year – The Johnny Bingo Award!  I’m sure you all remember how this works, but just in case here is a cut-and-paste reminder of the rules:

This award too has only one criterion – for a book to be eligible, I had to have started reading it this year. It could’ve been written by a blind Greek poet in the 8th century BCE or be an unpublished galley hacked from an MFA candidate’s MacBook in a Brooklyn cafe.  As long as I read the first paragraph before Dick Clark’s puppeteer walks him through the New Year’s Eve Countdown, it can be a winner.

There is a significant difference between The Johnny Bingo Award and the slightly more prestigious Nobel Prize for Literature: there is a chance you may have heard of my authors!

The Nobel Prize for Literature should be renamed “The Nobel Prize for a Random European Author Nobody Reads”.  This year, it went to somebody named Annie Ernaux.  As is often the case with the Nobel Prize for Literature, after the winner is announced readers all over the world say “Who?”, then go to the person’s Wikipedia page, which has like one paragraph, and then try to buy the book, and find it is out of print.

This is not a new phenomenon for the Nobel Prize.  In the 19th century they skipped over Leo Tolstoy and Mark Twain – who were beaten out by such literary giants as Bjornstjern Bjornson, Jose Echeragay, Henrik Sienkiewicz, and Rudolph Christoph Euken.   In the 20th century, Joyce, Nabokov and Proust were defeated by Lagerkvist, Andrik, and Elytis.   

So Cormac McCarthy*, my old friend, you may have published some masterpieces, but you committed the unpardonable sin of being liked by Oprah, The Coen Brothers, and actual readers.  No Nobel for you!

* McCarthy published two novels this year, his first in 16 years.  But alas he is not eligible for a JB as Santa Claus (actually my son) gifted them to me 4 days ago, and I have yet to read them.

On to the Johnny Bingos!

Best Biography

Peter the Great: His Life and World, Robert K. Massie

When Russia invaded Ukraine earlier this year, some ill-informed TV talking heads said he wanted to bring back the glory of the Soviet Union – to be the next Stalin.  But well-informed historians said no – he wanted to bring back the glory of Mother Russia – to be the next Peter the Great.

Robert K. Massie is the preeminent English-language historian of the Romanov Dynasty, and his biography of Peter has sat on my shelf a long time.  I bought it not long after reading his thrilling masterpiece, Nicholas and Alexandra: The Classic Account of the Fall of the Romanov Dynasty.

Putin's blunder* finally inspired me to pull this one from the shelf, and it is well worth the 1000+ pages.  Like all great history, it illuminates our world while telling a thrilling story from the past.  

* By the way, remember how everyone thought the Russian army was going to roll through the Ukraine with ease?  Well, if you were reading Freetime you may have been more skeptical.  I wrote this piece the day before the invasion.  As I said above, history is almost always a better guide to the present than the TV news shouters.   

Best Newly Discovered Dead Writer*

John MacDonald

In a lifetime of reading mysteries and thrillers, not sure how John MacDonald slipped through the cracks.  Most famous for the Travis McGee series and his novel The Executioners (which inspired the two Cape Fear movies, the original with Robert Mitchum and the remake by Scorsese), MacDonald is a fascinating guy whose Wikipedia page is way more interesting than Annie...oh shoot I forgot her name already...

I like my serial private detectives (and McGee is kinda sorta one) to be resourceful and tough, but also flawed, intellectually-inclined, and a bit of a wise-ass.  I'm about 1/3 through the 21 McGee novels, and looking forward to the rest of them.

* if you're new to the Johnny Bingo Awards, you should know I just make up categories whenever I feel like it.  Speaking of which...

Best Book by a Newly Discovered Contemporary Writer

The Force, Don Winslow

When you read as much as I do, you sometimes worry you're going to run out of great books  But then one day you see a tweet about Don Winslow retiring from writing, and all sorts of book people with good taste are heartbroken about the retirement of Don Winslow, and I'm over here saying, "Uh, who is Don Winslow?"

So I did some research, and decided to read The Force by Don Winslow.  And I get why people are so upset.  Dude is good.  I am very much looking forward to reading The Cartel trilogy in 2023.

Oh, and I suspect he'll be back.  He's retiring from writing novels to make political videos opposing Trumpism.  Which seems like maybe not a long-term gig?

Best Book Recommended by a Friend

The Immortal Irishman: The Irish Revolutionary Who Became an American Hero, Timothy Egan

As a Civil War guy (not a buff), I was aware of Thomas Meagher as the general of the legendary Irish Brigade (or, The Fighting 69th).  But I had no idea that was only part of his extraordinary life.  

He was an Irish revolutionary, famous for his stirring oratory.  He was sent to the penal colony in Australia, from which he escaped in dramatic fashion.  A penniless immigrant in New York, he won the heart of a beautiful and wealthy socialite, who was devoted to him despite (or because of?) her family's disapproval.  After the Civil War, he became Governor of Montana, and died a mysterious death in the Old West.  And yeah, was one of the best fighting generals on either side of the Civil War.  

That, my friends, is a life.

(Hat tip to my bro-in-law Jocfun, who also recommended a Johnny Bingo runner-up, The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz.)

Best Book by a Film Director

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Quentin Tarantino

This year I read two books by successful film directors, so let's make it a category!  Making Movies  by Sidney Lumet (12 Angry Men, Dog Day Afternoon, The Verdict, and much more) is a highly readable, slightly dated book about how he makes movies.  From the script to working with actors to editing and lighting and so much more - it's a fine behind-the-scenes look at what it means to be a director.

But if you like QT movies as much as I do, I think you'll thoroughly enjoy his own novel based on his latest movie.  In part, it is a fleshing out of the story.  And in part, it is much more interior monologue from key characters.  But mostly it is an excuse for Tarantino, through his characters, to geek out on film.  

Best Book of the Year

A Gentleman in Moscow, Amor Towles

This was one of the first books I read in 2022, so the words to describe it don't come easily.  But it reminded me a bit of some of Mark Helprin's finest books.  

Helprin is, to my mind, the most underrated novelist of my lifetime.  He didn't start out that way...one of his early novels, Winter's Tale, received (on the front page of The New York Times Book Review, no less) one of the most gushing reviews ever written:

"I find myself nervous, to a degree I don't recall in my past as a reviewer, about failing the work, inadequately displaying its brilliance".  Benjamin Mott

Mott was not alone.  His first few novels all received this sort of adulation.  But the literary world lost interest in Helprin, I think perhaps because some of his politics, particularly in regard to Israel and Palestine, were unacceptable to the literary elite.  

Anyway Helprin's best novels have a mix of history, magic realism, philosophy and poetry that really speak to me.  A Gentleman in Moscow is more realism than magic.  And it has a core of stoic philosophy at its heart.

But spending a few hundred pages with Count Alexander Rostov will make you feel better about humanity, and perhaps about your own life.  

Congratulations to all the winners!

n.b. All the links to books here are to Bookshop.org.  I like the convenience of Amazon as much as the next guy, but if you want to buy online and still support independent booksellers, please shop at Bookshop.org.  

Barbarossa Redux: Russia in Ukraine

The Decision to Invade Often Ends Badly

I am very far from an expert on current events in the Ukraine.  I know enough to understand what is happening, and why…but not nearly enough to know what to do about it.

But let me say this: the decision to initiate war often ends badly for the initiator.

• The US decision to invade Iraq in 2003 (a decision which I admit I supported) ended (?) with an enormous loss of blood, treasure, and prestige – and an Iraq still in turmoil.
• The Soviet decision to invade Afghanistan led indirectly, if not directly, to the fall of the Soviet Union.
• Hitler’s decision to invade Poland ended in his suicide in a bunker and his country in ruin. 
• The Confederacy’s decision to fire on Fort Sumpter ended with no Confederacy, and their land in ruin.
• It’s not clear who fired “the shot heard round the world”, the opening shot of the Revolutionary War; but the British Crown’s decision to quell their American colonists’ dissent by force, ended with a loss of their American colonies.

Putin’s decision here reminds me less of the Russian invasion of Afghanistan, though there are interesting parallels, than it does of Hitler’s invasion of Russia (Operation Barbarossa) in June of 1941.

That invasion was, obviously by hindsight but even for many in the German high command at the time, a horrendous tactical decision – the one that most obviously led to that bunker*.  But it was also one he had to make – because his worldview demanded it.  There was no way Hitler, supreme in continental Europe, turned back in his aborted invasion of England, was going to sit idly by with an enormous Communist bear on his Eastern borders.  His personal ideology demanded war and conquest.

·      *  If you want to argue for Hitler’s deployment of tanks prior to D-Day, that's fair

So, too with Putin.  He considers the fall of the Soviet Union to be an utter catastrophe.   He considers Ukraine as part of Russia.  Here is Putin yesterday:

"Ukraine is not just a neighboring country for us. It is an inalienable part of our own history, culture and spiritual space. These are our comrades, those dearest to us — not only colleagues, friends and people who once served together, but also relatives, people bound by blood, by family ties."

He considers the loss of breakaway Soviet satellites as an intolerable loss of Russian honor and one he must reverse.  And he is gambling that the West doesn’t have the will to stop him. 

Do we?  What does that even look like?  I don't know, but I'm fairly certain it's not economic sanctions.  I suspect Putin cares as little about those as the Iranian mullahs and Kim Jong-un.  

One can’t help but think of a line attributed* to Churchill:  In the end, America will always do the right thing, only after they have exhausted every other option. 

* To paraphrase Yogi Berra, Churchill didn't say most of the things he said

Plug in “the West” for America, for this is Western Europe’s problem even more so, and perhaps there is cause for hope.  Perhaps Putin's callous disregard for his own people, his neighbors, and global order, may end for him in a gilded bunker.  Or worse.  

OBJ: Super Bowl Champion?

The Rise, Fall, and Rise of Odell Beckham Jr.

 Occasionally you’ll hear someone say – on sports radio, on ESPN, at a bar – that it is pointless to compare players across eras because the game has changed so much, or that it is a waste of time to debate whether a quarterback is elite because elite is an arbitrary term, or some such thing.

These people are morons.  

Every sports argument, indeed every sports conversation ever had, is ultimately about one thing:  How good is X?  How good is that:

- player

- play

- team

- game

- season

- coach

- GM

- sport

- rule

- manager

- call

- trade

- official

- prospect

- announcer

Heck, sports fans will debate beer commercial quality.  Replay has given us a whole list of new things to debate – how good is that camera angle, the reversed call, the speed of the decision.

“How good is X?” is the whole reason we have sports conversations.

Which brings me to Odell Beckham Jr.

The OBJ Trade

In March of 2019, the New York Giants traded the 3-time Pro Bowler to the Cleveland Browns for strong safety Jabrill Peppers and two draft picks. The trade was surprising for two reasons, but unsurprising for a third.

Surprising Reason #1

In August of 2018 then-GM Dave Gettleman signed Beckham to a 5-year, $90m contract extension.  On February 27, 2019 he said "We didn't sign Odell to trade him.  That's all I need to say about that."  Two weeks later he traded him to the Browns.

Now look, Dave Gettleman is the worst kind of stupid…the stupid guy who thinks he’s smarter than everyone else.  He showed that with his two biggest draft picks, Saquon Barkley and Daniel Jones.

But still, the Giants gave every indication of wanting a long-term relationship with OBJ…until they didn’t.

Surprising Reason #2

It was more shocking because OBJ wasn't merely a Pro Bowler - he was through 5 seasons one of the best wide receivers in the history of the league.  Injuries in his 4th and 5th seasons slowed him down a bit, but his pro-rated 16-game numbers for the Giants look like this:

106 Catches, 1485 yards, 12 touchdowns.  

I mean, holy crap!

And by “slowed him down a bit”, well…in his 5th and final season in New York despite only playing 12 games, he caught 77 passes for 1052 yards and 6 touches.  

In the 3 seasons since, no Giant wide receiver has come anywhere near those 12-game #s in a full season.  Indeed, in a 17-game season this year, the top totals for Giants receivers was 40/521/2.  Jeez.

And he wasn’t just wildly productive.  He was extremely entertaining.  We forget sometimes that we watch sports to be entertained, and boy did OBJ put on a show in a Giants uniform.

The Not Surprising Reason

Odell was, as coaches like to say, a world-class distraction.  

Ill-advised boat trips, sideline tantrums, on-field tantrums, questionable hotel videos, and perhaps the worst thing a wide receiver can do – not backing up his quarterback to the press.  His 2-time Super Bowl MVP quarterback that is.  Oh, and then there was this…

The Giants’ brass ultimately decided all that on-field productivity wasn’t worth the off-field nonsense.

How Giants Fans Reacted

In the week after the trade, I conducted an extremely scientific survey of every Giants fans I know.  The results were as follows:

- Every Giants fan in their 20’s said “Nooooooo!” (because of Surprising Reason #2)

- Every Giants fan over 50 said “Good Riddance!” (because of the Unsurprising Reason)

I had never seen such a striking disagreement on the “How good is X?” question.  

In the years since, it has certainly looked like the old guys had it right.  His first season in Cleveland was pretty good* (74/1035/4) but not the explosive season everyone expected with Baker Mayfield throwing to him.  And the two seasons since have been filled with injuries and unproductive play.

* by “pretty good”, I mean “way way way better than any Giants receiver since”

The Giants meanwhile, got two pretty good players out of the deal in Peppers and Dexter Lawrence.

But here’s the thing:  the old guys weren’t saying “Good Riddance!” because they thought OBJ was about to fall off a statistical cliff.  The old guys basically didn’t care how awesome he was.  Their feeling was that he was a bad locker room guy and the Giants couldn’t win as long as he was kicking nets, going boating, and pretending to pee in the end zone.

Fair enough.  So, how have the Giants done since removing this cancer from the locker room?

Well, they haven’t been the absolute worst team in football.  At 14-35, they did edge out the Jaguars, Lions, and Jets (between 10-14 wins each).  But it’s been pretty putrid.

The Browns, while disappointing, have had a winning record and a playoff appearance during the OBJ years.  

Ram Tough

But something funny happened on OBJ’s trip to irrelevance.  Mid-season, the Rams picked him up after Robert Woods’ injury.  In a half season with the Rams he was okay – 27 catches for 305 yards.  More importantly, he found the end zone 5 times.

* Again, sorry to keep pointing this out, but he had more than twice as many TD catches in half a season for the Rams than Darius Slayton, who led the Giants with…2 TDs in 17 games.  Kenny Golladay, the G-Men’s big offseason acquisition, the man who was supposed to fill OBJ’s still-empty cleats as a star receiver, had (checks notes…) zero TD catches in 14 games

In the playoffs he’s been better.  Over two games he has 15 catches and 182 yards.  He is, for the first time since 2019, a legitimate threat.

He's not a star receiver again.  His productivity is certainly helped out by the fact that the best wide receiver in football is on the Rams.  Cooper Kupp's awesomeness attracts a defensive backfield's attention, and allows Beckham space to make some plays.  I suspect OBJ's injuries took 1/10th of a step away from him - and a 1/10th of a step was enough to transform him from a super-weapon to (in the parlance of Bill Parcells) a JAG - Just Another Guy.

And, uh, he still has the temperament of an unpleasant toddler...

BUT - it turns out a team can win with such a terrible person on its roster.  It turns out that removing such a terrible person from its roster doesn’t unlock a winning formula.

By this evening, Odell Beckham Jr. might be a Super Bowl champion.  At the very least, he will be an NFC champion.  

And the Giants continue their sad rebuild.

The 2021 Johnny Bingo Award

 As faithful followers (both of you) of The Johnny/Bingo Awards know, this is a somewhat haphazard accolade.

Presented to the best books I’ve read this year (regardless of when written), there is very little order to the affair.  Sometimes I have 5 finalists and pick awinner.  Or I’ll select multiple books indifferent categories.  I occasionally skip a year…or a decade.

But this year I’m going to write about a single book, as it happens the last book I finished in 2021.  Without further ado, the Johnny Bingo Award for 2021 goes to:

The Daughter of Time, by Josephine Tey

“When the Legend Becomes Fact, Print the Legend” – The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

If you know my reading habits, you know my passions include history, Shakespeare, and a cracking good mystery. Josephine Tey, nom de plume for the Scottish author Elizabeth Mackintosh, brilliantly combines these elements in this, her most revered novel.

There is a fourth passion of mine that elevates this book from a great mystery to a miniature masterpiece.  I love books that examine how history and its telling evolve through the ages.  Was there a Trojan War?  Were Caesar and Marc Antony captivated by Cleopatra - and vice-versa - or was it realpolitik? Did Washington actually stand in that boat as it crossed the Delaware?

It’s why I’m so fascinated by Arthurian legend.  If there was an Arthur, he certainly wasn’t King of England – a place called England wouldn’t exist for 500 years after the first Arthur stories.  An Arthur, if he existed at all, was likely some sort of local warlord who may (or may not!) have briefly been part of a Romano-British alliance that only briefly held off the Saxon invaders.  And, you know, it’s unlikely there were wizards and magic swords and dragons. 

And yet, stories of Arthur are still everywhere.  Not only in recent films and television series and books that tell and re-tell the stories in different ways, but in some of the most popular stories of our time. Indeed, see how often Merlin is reborn  – as Dumbledore, as Gandalf, as Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

Where was I?  Right, The Daughter of Time…

“Determined to Prove a Villain” – Richard III

Few writers have shaped how we remember history better than Shakespeare.  Even residents of bookless houses, if they know nothing about Julius Caesar, know “Et tu Brute” and ‘Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears”, and “Beware the Ides of March”.  But none of these words come from ancient Rome…they come from Shakespeare’s rendition of it.

So, too, the villainy of Richard III.  As written by Shakespeare (and played by such modern actors as Denzel Washington, Kenneth Branagh, Ralph Fiennes, Ian McKellen, Alec Guinness [two Merlins!], and more), Richard III is the villain of villains.  A hunchbacked monster, he frames his brother, steals the crown, and most notoriously murders his nephews – the infamous Princes in the Tower - to keep his throne.

Or did he?

Historians have long wondered if perhaps Shakespeare didn’t exaggerate the King’s lesser qualities – in part to tell a wonderful story (don’t let facts get in the way of a good story and all that), but also to flatter the Tudor monarchs of his time.  It was Henry Tudor, after all, that defeated Richard III at the Battle of Bosworth, establishing the monarchy.

Indeed, quite recently, the body of Richard III was foundbeneath a car park in England – and after exhumation and DNA confirmation, we learned that (among other things) Richard was not quite as deformed as Shakespeare wrote – and many pompous actors have played – him.

“Truth is the Daughter of Time” – Francis Bacon

Josephine Tey doesn’t need me to extol the virtues of her novel.  In 1990 it was voted the best crime novel of all time by the British Crime Writers' Association.  The Mystery Writers of America put it in the 4 slot.  This is the mystery novelists’ mystery novel.

Without giving too much away, a Scotland Yard detective, convalescing in a hospital bed in the middle of the 20^th century, gets interested in the murder of those nephews – the fabled Princes in theTower.  Something doesn’t add up to him.  With the help of an eager young American, he purses this 500 year-old murder case as a way to keep boredom at bay. 

It’s a marvelously original novel, and one that accomplishes the seemingly impossible task of creating suspense out of the idea of a guy in a hospital room trying to solve the coldest of cold cases.

From what I can tell, Josephine Tey truly did not care about actual accolades during her lifetime, so she certainly wouldn’t give a flying fig about a fake accolade 70 years after her death – but Congratulations nonetheless!

Happy Birthday Abe!

And Why the Second Inaugural Address Matters Today

As you may have heard, the San Francisco Board of Education has renamed 44 of its schools, deeming people like Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Paul Revere, and even Diane Feinstein (!) to be among those who “engaged in the subjugation and enslavement of human beings; or who oppressed women, inhibiting societal progress; or whose actions led to genocide; or who otherwise significantly diminished the opportunities of those amongst us to the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”.  

No matter what your political persuasion – and many thoughtful liberals* have criticized this move – it is indisputable that the process was done with little or no regard for historical fact.  Indeed, no historians were consulted on the enterprise, which is how you get the Revere blunder. 

Paul Revere Elementary School will be renamed because of his role in the Penobscot Expedition of 1779.  A gloriously ignorant member of the school board thought this expedition, which was in fact an attack on British naval forces during the Revolutionary War, was an attempt to colonize the Penobscot Native Americans.  They didn’t consult any historians – or even, for that matter, Wikipedia – so Revere: you’re out!

* On Twitter, I wrote “Who would have thought the San Francisco school district would find common cause with John Wilkes Booth, Jefferson Davis, and The Confederate States of America in their hatred of Lincoln?”  Among the 60+ likes and retweets, most were from people who, based on their Twitter profile, lean liberal

I don’t want to dwell too much on this particular controversy.  But if you want to truly understand how broken the process was, I encourage you to read this New Yorker interview with the 30 year-old (!) President of the San Francisco Board of Education.  Her inability to even grasp the purpose of the questions, much less defend the Board’s choices, makes for an awkward read.

But enough of that!  Today is Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday, and while the SFBE may deem his accomplishments unworthy of having a school named after him, he will always be my most inspiring historical figure.  And to honor Honest Abe, the Railsplitter, The Tycoon, the Great Emancipator, I’d like to take a moment to talk about his Second Inaugural Address, as it is a fitting message for these historical times.

###

Everyone knows the Gettysburg Address.  When the Lincoln Memorial was built a century ago its 272 words were etched into the South wall of the Lincoln Memorial, beneath the word ‘Emancipation’.  But across on the North Wall, under the word ‘Unity’, are the 701 words of the Second Inaugural (the 3rd shortest in history; most run 1500-2500 words).

To understand the different political intents of these two speeches, it is necessary to understand the context.  

When Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address in November of 1863, the outcome of the Civil War was still very much in doubt.  He was trying to persuade a war-weary nation that the extraordinary sacrifice of this Civil War was worth it.  That “government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from this earth.”  Yes, it was poetry; but it was first and foremost a political argument, forcefully made.  

But the context of the Second Inaugural was very different.  Delivered on March 4, 1865, the outcome of the war was no longer in doubt.  Confederate armies were in retreat everywhere, and Lee surrendered to Grant at the Appomattox Court House 5 weeks later.  

So Lincoln was looking to the time after the war.  The nation had been through 4 years of brutal war in which 600,000 Americans died.  That is more than all of the American wars from the American Revolution to the Korean War combined.  And since the population of the US was only 30 million, it would be the equivalent of 6 million dying today.  

How could a nation recover from this?  This is the question Lincoln sought to address, and one that perhaps has relevance today.  So let’s take a little tour through this speech, shall we?.  

He opens by acknowledging that things are going well on the military front, while cautioning that it is not over yet (all bold italics mine):

"Fellow countrymen: at this second appearing to take the oath of the presidential office there is less occasion for an extended address than there was at the first. Then a statement somewhat in detail of a course to be pursued seemed fitting and proper. Now, at the expiration of four years during which public declarations have been constantly called forth on every point and phase of the great contest which still absorbs the attention and engrosses the energies of the nation little that is new could be presented. The progress of our arms, upon which all else chiefly depends is as well known to the public as to myself and it is I trust reasonably satisfactory and encouraging to all. With high hope for the future no prediction in regard to it is ventured.”

He then hearkens back to the start of the war:

"On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago all thoughts were anxiously directed to an impending civil war. All dreaded it ~ all sought to avert it. While the inaugural address was being delivered from this place devoted altogether to saving the Union without war insurgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war ~ seeking to dissolve the Union and divide effects by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive, and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came.”

And the war came.  The passive voice in the sentence is telling.  He is certainly reminding his listeners that the South was at fault, but by using the passive voice here he is deflecting blame.  He is starting the path towards unity.

Then:

"One eighth of the whole population were colored slaves not distributed generally over the union but localized in the southern part of it. These slaves constituted a peculiar and powerful interest. All knew that this interest was somehow the cause of the war. To strengthen perpetuate and extend this interest was the object for which the insurgents would rend the Union even by war while the government claimed no right to do more than to restrict the territorial enlargement of it. Neither party expected for the war the magnitude or the duration which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with or even before the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible and pray to the same God and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered ~ that of neither has been answered fully.”

There is not a word about slavery in the Gettysburg Address, even though it was delivered nearly a year after the Emancipation Proclamation.  Lincoln was a latecomer to belief in abolition - he always thought slavery a moral evil, but for him the ‘paramount object of this struggle’ – the goal of the Civil War – was to save democracy, not end slavery.  But now he is addressing the evil of slavery, and noting its roots in the cause of the war.

Here’s the money graf:

“The Almighty has His own purposes. "Woe unto the world because of offenses for it must needs be that offenses come but woe to that man by whom the offense cometh." If we shall suppose that American slavery is one of those offenses which in the providence of God must needs come but which having continued through His appointed time He now wills to remove and that He gives to both North and South this terrible war as the woe due to those by whom the offense came shall we discern therein any departure from those divine attributes which the believers in a living God always ascribe to Him. Fondly do we hope ~ fervently do we pray ~ that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away. Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth piled by the bondsman's two hundred and fifty years of unrequited toil shall be sunk and until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword as was said three thousand years ago so still it must be said 'the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.'” 

The man knows how to end paragraphs.  And how to draw on biblical imagery during a much less secular time.  He is essentially portraying slavery as our national sin, and the suffering of the war as penance for that sin.  I highlighted the last two sentences in their entirety but "until until every drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by another drawn with the sword" is powerful stuff.

But why am I writing about this today?  Because it’s Abe’s birthday?  Of course.  To counter the idiocy of the San Francisco Board of Education.  Sure.  But it’s really for this, the soaring peroration:

"With malice toward none with charity for all with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right let us strive on to finish the work we are in to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan ~ to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

Daniel Day Lewis in Spielberg's Lincoln, delivering the peroration

We live in an angry political time.  Nowhere near as angry, to be sure, as the period before, during, and after the Civil War.  Not even close.  

But Lincoln knew, in his wisdom, that we must "do all which may achieve a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

After Lee's surrender, Lincoln, at the beginning of his second term, was ready to lead his nation to healing.  But five days later, on Good Friday, he was assassinated.  If America was blessed to have Abraham Lincoln in office from 1861-1865, it was cursed to have Johnson from 1865-1868.  

Hopefully we do a better job of healing than Reconstruction America.